"Hatred comes from the heart; contempt from the head; and neither feeling is quite within our control."
- Arnold Schopenhauer

Rarely do I use the word 'hate'.

Okay, that's not totally true.
I use if often when I see or hear about children and animals being mistreated in any manner.
Oh, and whenever stupid people cross my path.

But right now... there are aspects of October that I'm starting to hate as well.
It's great that breast cancer awareness has an entire month dedicated to it, but I'm sick to death of seeing celebrities on shows talk about it.
Specifically, those that have had it, with the only exception being Melissa Ethridge because she's the only one thus far that I've heard really speak about her experience and all that it entails...not to mention, I feel although she's a celebrity and financially wealthy, she still relates to those people that aren't celebrities and/or financially wealthy.

I'm sick of hearing the other celebrities go on and on about how great America is because every woman with breast cancer has "a team of doctors" and how they've come so far and "it's all about the journey." And my personal, latest favorite one of, "the minute you're diagnosed, you're a survivor."

It's hard to believe that I and other women have news for an effing anchorwoman...but guess what Miss Missy...not every woman with breast cancer has a "team of doctors"...some don't even have health insurance, let alone a "team of doctors". And it may have been "all about the journey" for you...but for some of us, it's a craptastic journey that we'd sooner forget and yet still have to travel on a daily effing basis.

As for "the minute you're diagnosed, you're a survivor"...well some of us don't feel like we've "survived" an effing thing.
You may still have healthcare, great doctors, financial security and your effing mansion...but there are women all over the United States that have lost their jobs and healthcare... that don't have doctors anymore (if they even had one in the first place)...women that have lost their financial security and their home. Women that have damn near lost everything, if not most of everything. Women that are forced to choose between their meds/treatment or buying food for their children or trying to keep a roof over their head. Women that don't have the satisfaction and/or security of having regular scans to insure that their cancer is being held at bay, for lack of a better word, due to lack of funds.
Which begs the question, when you've lost (or have been forced to give up) everything...what exactly is it that they/we have survived??

My guess, is that if you ever took the effing time to temporarily exit the secure, little (and when I write "little", I mean effing little) world you live in...and remember the real world from whence you probably came...you wouldn't go on national television and spew the shit you spew...all the while pretending that the world most of us live in, doesn't effing exist.

This is not to say that I'd rather you not spread the word about breast cancer awareness, utilizing the 'medium' that lays at your feet...but for the love of what's right and the sake of those that don't have that same 'medium' laying at our feet, and all that comes with it...please stop forcefully shoveling crap at us.
Some women may not have food and/or the money to buy food...but they sure as hell don't want to eat crap either.

Granted, we know your immediate reaction to what I've written above will probably be and/or is...but you've survived! You're still alive! You're still able to be around the people you love and that love you! You have to keep fighting!

Here's another news flash for ya:
The "fighting", you speak so bravely about it...
Yep...we're all warriors, the minute we're diagnosed. Every one of us feels that 'fire in our belly'. We don't put on "a brave face"....we have a brave face...and a will of steel.
We plan not only on fighting, but fighting with every thing we have...not only for ourselves, but more importantly for the ones that we love and that love us.

Then, some of us (read; not you), are smacked squarely in the face...by reality. The medical bills start adding up. Health Insurance Companies, doctors and diagnostic clinics refuse service until "deductibles" are paid up. Employers get sick of paying other employees overtime in the affected employee's absence. At which time, employer's "let" the affected employee "go". This, of course, eventually leads to people having to choose between COBRA insurance premiums and/or their mortgage/rent, among other bills. Employer related disability pays half or less of a typical income and trying to get on Social Security Disability seems to only work reasonably fast, for those that don't really need it in the first place. Then the regular bills start adding up. Then the people, the ones you love and care about, the same ones that love and care about you...and even the banks and utility companies that have done everything in their power to "work with you, given your circumstances"...the ones that have so graciously helped you in any/every way possible...they start getting tapped out...and you start feeling like a greater imposition, than when they first started helping you. And you start to see the effects of them and your children "going without". And don't even get me started about when and how Uncle Sam doesn't give a rats ass if you can't pay your income tax and/or personal property taxes.

Yes, that's right...you and I may very well live in the same United States, but we also live in two completely different worlds.

In the real world, when one is not a celebrity and/or doesn't have a million plus dollars in one's bank account...Insurance companies, Social Security, etc... tend to string people along and deny anything/everything for as long as humanly possible... banking on one's death, so as to never have to help at all.
In the real world, Uncle Sam and debt collector's work solely to spare people from a long, drawn out, painful death due to cancer or any/all other diseases...so that they can bleed you dry quickly instead.

Don't get me wrong...there is and always will be a part of us, that is thankful and grateful to still be alive and to still be a part of the lives of the people we love and care about and that love and care about/for us.

However, unbeknownst to you...
It gets harder and harder with every passing day, to be grateful for still being alive in a world that's seemingly falling down all around you and more importantly, falling down around your children and the others you love.
It's no easy task to hang on to the will to live, when one isn't really living. Not living normally, so to speak.
It's difficult, to spend day after day in great pain, sick and exhausted from being sick and in pain and worrying about one's health that may or may not be monitored because of financial restraints.
Add to that, the worry about every day financial issues and you have someone that's favorite part of the day to look forward to... is sleeping, because often times...that's the only ''peace" they know. Then when one actually gets in bed to go to sleep, a small part of them hopes and wishes that they don't in fact wake up the next day because they know it will be yet another day filled with pain, sickness, worry and disappointment.

Now compound all of the above with the feeling of guilt. The guilt that one feels because they know there are still people in the world that have it worse than they do, so they feel like they shouldn't even have any thoughts of complaining, let alone actually complaining. The guilty feeling that even though they know they are not materialistic in way, shape or form...life has made it abundantly clear that money is exactly what it takes to alleviate a majority of life's problems, difficulties, issues and worries. The guilty feeling that yes, there are days when one can double up on their meds and have good days...and live somewhat normally by going out and about, or to special occasions and family gatherings...and there are also still all of the "little things" in life that make us smile or laugh on a daily basis...but the "good" days are few and far between compared to the typical 'everyday' that is filled with sickness, pain, stress and worry.

Now top all of that off with the sprinkle of fear. Fear that things will never be normal again. Fear that one will never be able to financially recover from this journey that "it's all about." Fear about how the effects of being financially ruined will affect one's children, their well-being and their college education. Fear about how long it will adversely affect one's children in the long run in general. The fear that life is simultaneously standing still and flying by all at the same time. Fear about feeling like your holding others back and/or dragging them down with you. Fear about coming to terms with that little piece of you that believes that everyone just might be better off without you and all of the baggage that comes with you period.
The fear about 'what if'. What if things do get better or start to get better and the Big C rears it's ugly head again. What then?

There's no easy answer to "What then?"...but I can assure you that whatever the answer may be in your world Ms. Anchorwoman...it will be a drastically different answer and pale in comparison to the answer that awaits those of us in the real world.