"My nerves are bad to-night. Yes, bad."
~ T.S. Eliot

So...I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow.
Blech.

I don't know what sucks more...
The anticipation of a doctor's appointment or the waiting for results afterwards.

I've probably written about this before on my blog.
If I have...and you're bored with it...here's your fries, please drive thru.

First and foremost, you try to stay positive.
And everyone tells you to be positive.
Stay positive.
Blah, blah, blah.

It's easier said than done.
And I don't mean to sound like a bitch...but it's really easy to say when you haven't been given a life-long pass as a club member.
I know...people are just trying to be supportive.
Which is why I always just nod and say"Thank you, I am."

Truth be told, you can be positive until you're pooping positivity right out your ass...but there's always that little back corner of your mind that's wondering, 'Hmmm, wonder if I'll be doing chemo in a week or two?'
And it sucks.
Ass.
And it's not like the wondering stops.
To coin one of my favorite quotes E.V.E.R.:
"Like 7-11. They're not always doin' business...but they're always open."
Yep.
That's what the wondering is like.
At least it is for me.
Thus far.

Ya can't call yourself a survivor until the 5 year mark.
TheRammerHammer had me laughing so much...that I missed my 3 year diagnosis anniversary back in June.
Something cancer re-lated came up a couple of days later which reminded me.

I mean it's not like you really, really are able to totally forget.
At least I'm not.
Because I'm still fighting the urge to not be the normal that I used to be.
The old me.

Which I know only proves that I'm crazy.
Because it's pointless to fight.
I'm reminded in a dozen different ways every, single day that I'll never be her again.
The pain.
The nasuea and puking.
The swelling-neuropathy hands and feet.
The short term memory.
The wrinkles I shouldn't have yet damnit!!!!
The nasty metal taste still in my mouth.

Everyday I wake up, I wonder when or if it will ever end.
Some of my card carrying friends have told me it takes time, some have said that it depends on the type of chemo one has and some say it hasn't ever ended for them.

I think I would be okay...not great...but okay if it was some kind of trade-off.
I'd be willing take all of the above if I knew I wouldn't have the stress and worry about impending doctor appointments and the anxeity of waiting for test results afterwards ever again.
Ya know? If I could just get a guar-an-tee that it would never, ever come back again.

And then I feel like a schmuck for complaing about my complaints out loud.
When others I know are actually going through it all over again already.

Which leads to the other back, dark corner of my mind that wonders, 'Is one ever truly able to let down their guard at some point?"

I fear that answer.

So for now..."My nerves are bad to-night. Yes, bad."
Sigh.

I hope everyone is well and nerve free.

P.S. ~ Ladies...if 'tough love' doesn't work with your man...try 'tuft love'.
Heh heh.

"To dare every day to be irreverent and bold. To dare to preserve the randomness of mind, which in children produces strange and wonderful new thoughts and forms. To continually scramble the familiar and bring the old into new juxtaposition."
~ Gordon Webber

Okay...yeah...so the point of the quote is that this post is going to be loooonnnng...and full of randomness.
So grab a cup of coffee and get comfortable.
Oh...and you might wanna keep some wet-wipes handy...either that or don't take a sip of coffee prior to reading my Dumb-Ass-Medicine-Move-Of-The-Day.
Comprende'?
Good.


So, when I thought about this post, I originally thought I would begin with the good news about my first International Rescue/Foster Kitty...and about what a wonderful, little kitty he is...
This is Neo:

















He's about a year old. Beautiful, shiny, healthy coat of fur. He was very afraid and confused the first few days and hid under the couch, coming out at night to eat and go potty.
Since I'm up and down at all hours of the night on most nights, I began to sit on the couch and 'meow', or in his case, "Mow-Mow" back and forth with him for 10-15 minutes at a time before going back to bed...thus winning his trust that I'm actually a safe, okay human that meant him no harm.
On third day, he finally ventured onto my lap and we had a good petting/purring session. (Him...not me...that comes later. Heh heh.)
Anyhoo, I quickly determined that he's essentially a lapcat...trapped in a scaredy cats body.
Hopefully, I can break him of this.
But, yeah....he's cute...loving...playful:
















He figured out that Moby is a cool dog and also means him no harm:





















Yep...all was going well...in fact...it couldn't have been going better...
Until this:





















Go ahead...click on the next one to enlarge it and take a look at allllllll the tiny little specks on the tile:





















I had already cleaned the kitchen floor, which was COVERED, and then thought of the camera...but the hallway was still a helluva mess...yes...the mess continued well into the hallway and to the front door.
Yeah. Those little specks...are chocolate cake.
Apparently, he doesn't like to eat chocolate cake at midnight...but he likes to counter-surf and knock it to the floor.... and then have a rousing game of soccer, wherein he plays every conceivable position, thus whittling the cake down to mere crumbs.
Luckily...the MobyLover was locked in the bedroom with us, thus insuring his innocence from conspiracy and/or from being framed by the cat of course.
Little schmuck. It's a good thing I love cats and rescuing them at all hours of the day. Particularly, at 6am in the morning...when chocolate-soccer-cake-games come to an end.

Next up...remember this picture from when I visited TheRammerHammer back in December?






















Yeah...well...I found the perfect food product to accompany it:




















Yep. Horlicks.
Now if you're like me...and I know that some of you sick-minded readers out there are...BeejcoughSamcoughHilcoughJeanne...you instantly wondered...well, what do Hor(s)lick here in the Middle East.
Alas...wonder no more...I found the answer to that question, the very same night...
Hor(s)lick...Hairy Balls of course:


















Yeah. A platter of Hairy Balls.
I can't say, "I thought I'd never see the day"...because it's just...unimaginable to begin with.
Okay...so they aren't really Hairy Balls...they're actually an Indian fruit of some sort.
The kids saw them and wanted to try them.
Although, once home... they opted for the chocolate-chip treats before bed tonight.
Maybe tomorrow night.
Me...uh...yeah...I don't think so...
The only hairy balls I indulge with are accompanied by a foot long, wrist thick RammerHammerCockThankYouVeryMuch.


Oh yes! This reminds me...
Recently overheard on an elevator:
Woman ~ "Dang it. We forgot to get some KY today, there's hardly any left in the bottle."
Man ~ "Shiiiit...who needs a new bottle of KY? If there's some left in the old bottle...that's what we got the spatula for!"


Alright...alright...I'll tone it down.
There's somethin' good in the water on this side of the world.
See my nails??:
















My nails are growing like they have never grown before...even pre-cancer.
My nails have never been this long and strong before in my life.
This is what my nails looked like when I had fake, acrylic nails years ago.
And, since I've been here...none of them have turned black from the chemo side-effects and/or fallen off like they were still doing before I came here!
A sweet bonus indeed.
I dig it. I love them.
TheRammerHammer on the other hand...doesn't not.
Apparently when he sweats/showers/swims in the pool on the roof...he becomes very, very aware of the scratches on his back.
Ooops. Did I say this topic was going to be un-sexual?
My bad. Sorry.


Ah...yes...and now...I present to you...
My DumbAss Medicine Move Of The Day:
(Can't you just hear the trumpets in your head right now???)

















See those two bottles? Yeah...one of the is hairspray and one of them is underarm deoderant.
Guess what I did?
Yep...I reached into that there basket, and absent-mindly grabbed the hairspray and used it as underarm deoderant.
But wait...it gets better...it took me I don't know how many minutes to put two and two together as to why my damn arm pits were sticking to my torso.
Yeah. Go ahead...have your good laugh.
Ya schmuck.


And getting back to the topic of elevators...
Often is the time when ya get on an elevator over here and the stench from those that apparently only shower once a year is still lingering, waiting patiently to offend your nose like it's never been offended before.
Seriously...it's not just someone worked out, played 18 holes of golf and drove home in a car with no airconditioning B.O.
It's an unbelievable, someone hasn't-showered-since-310A.D. stench.
What am I getting at you ask?
Well...I stood at the sink the other day, washing dishes, like I do... (not the same day I used the hairspray under my arms)...and kept smelling a hint of that very stench every so often.
And I kept looking around behind me, to see if TheRammerHammer and the boys had come back down from the pool and perhaps I didn't hear them come in the door...
But nay...after a couple of minutes...I realized the stench was coming from me.
And I humbly learned that one can shower...and use two kinds of deoderant (not hairspray)...and smell like vanilla roses when leaving the apartment to take MobyLover on a 15 minute potty-walk...
But 15 minutes, walking in the mid-day sun...in the desert...is enough to give one a faint sunburn and put one in the beginning stages of the haven't-showered-since-310A.D. stench.
Hence...anyone have an awesome deoderant to suggest?


Ohhhh....here's a little one:





















The one on the bottom is what the people here consider a spatula.
The one on the top is what normal people...and when I say 'normal'...I mean me... and I use the term loosely of course...consider a spatula.
Took us 1 month, 17 days and I don't know how many different stores in that time-frame to find what I consider a real freakin' spatula.
Made my freakin' month.
What can I say...I'm easy to please.


And if you have any brains at all, you've figured out that the above 'elevator conversation' is a farce.
Fine. I'll come clean.
That conversation was between TheRammerHammer and myself while going to bed the other night.
I love how much he makes me laugh.
I hurt...I puke...and yet, this is the most fun I've ever had in a relationship before.
We're both goofballs and dorks and we say the silliest, goofiest things.
It's nice not to be the only one laughing at my jokes and one-liners...if ya know what I mean?!?!


Well...I can't have such a long, wonderful post without section dedicated solely to a MobyLover...so here's your daily dose of Moby...
This is Moby lounging by the pool on the roof with TheRammerHammer and the boys:



















And this is a Moby that's good and ready to go back to the airconditioned apartment 10 minutes later:

















Ain't he the most cutest BassetHound! ever in the history of BassetHounds!???
(Um...excuse me...but you did just follow the MyBrandOfCrazy Handbook Rule #247 that states, and I quote: "All readers are indeed permitted to read any/all MobyLover post sections silently, particularly if at work (Beej)...However, upon coming to the printed word of "Hound!", all readers are required to verbally say the word "Hound!" aloud and with a thick German accent."...end quote.
Okay...I thought you did...I was just checkin'. :)


Alrighty then...
Last but not least...
I'm gonna kill two birds with one stone here...
Wait...that's not right...we all know that I would never kill a bird...
But...well...this is about a bird...so I naturally just went there...
And it's about my first-ever-balcony-garden too.
This was the picture from last month when I got my first little starter plants:

















And this...this is what they look like 3 1/2 weeks later:


















So yeah...they're coming along.
I've only lost one Lantana plant thus far.
I must confess though...I smuggled some Miracle-gro over in my luggage.
I.Heart.Miracle-gro.

You'll also notice in the above picture that I've acquired a little bird house/feeder.
I.Heart.TheRammerHammer.
And The Dove...has claimed it as her own.
Yesterday, she didn't budge when the Schqwauker came 'round.
And the Schqwauker opted to get some water from the bowl and pass on the food for the time being.



Oh! I was wrong...that wasn't the last thing.
TheRammer and I, decided that, "Ken lee...tulibu dibu douchoo"...is going to be our wedding vows to one another.
We think...somehow...it just captures the essence of what is "us".
Go here: http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=ken+leee&search_type=&aq=f
and perhaps you'll see why...




And...to borrow a line from Porky Pig..."Th-th-th-th-that's all folks!"




Hope everyone is well:)



(P.S.: Please excuse any/all spelling/grammatical errors...it's one of those nights...it's currently 3:10am in the morning. Thankyouverymuch...again.)

"Ability will never catch up with the demand for it."
~ Malcolm Forbes


HeyItsBeej said:
"Ten days. Ten days since your last entry. How am I supposed to give the illusion of performing work-like tasks if you don't give me something to read, huh? ::: smooch :::"

Jeez-Louise...ya demanding lil' wench!
Alright already!
I got a big ol' post coming tomorrow!
With lot's and lot's of pictures!
I promise!
I did send you an email that I think you'll like in the meantime though!

Hugs and Humps:P

Hope everyone is well!

"You must not know too much or be too precise or scientific about birds and trees and flowers and watercraft; a certain free-margin, and even vagueness - ignorance, credulity - helps your enjoyment of these things."
~ Henry David Thoreau

This is a great quote. Fits me perfectly. I know very little. And what I do know...I tend to forget thanks to the side-effects of my meds. Which means right about now...I'm a happy camper. Because what little I do know, is that when a critter comes alone one day and finds food and water in a particular place...they tend to come back the next day...and make it a daily habit.

This:
















...is my first visitor!
A dove to boot! How lucky am I??? Lucky indeed!
Today was her second day visiting. She likes to sit in the flower boxes and watch the traffic below I guess. I would think she'd be on someone else's balcony on the other side of the building where she could watch the other buildings, birds and people, etc. But...I'm not a bird, so what do I know.
Another one has been visiting as well...some kind of crow. He's too quick for me to get the camera to snap a picture though. I've named him Schquawker...because that's what he does. Loudly.Very, very loudly.
And I love it! I love them both and hope they tell all their friends about my balcony.
Yeah. I'm a dork.

This picture is posted for the viewing pleasure of Random:
















Random appreciates the wonderfulness that is shoes. And handbags!
These are the shoes I've acquired thus far. Approximately $7 to $10 a pair.
They start out a little pricey. The locals think we're a visitor at first sight...but TheRammerHammer haggles like a pro since he's been here for over ten years.
The neuropathy in my feet and hands has sucked ass lately and my feet have been swelling a lot, so the roomy flats have come in real handy to get around in.
And the handbags, which are actually very well made, were roughly $25 each.
Random...there are literally shoe stores, shops and boutiques at every other store in the malls here...you must come visit shoe heaven sometime!
TheRammerHammer, albeit a great haggler...can also be a schmuck though.
But he's my schmuck...and I love my schmuck!
When I was here in December, he taught me a couple of Arabic phrases...one of them being "Shookron". No clue if I've spelled that right or not...I spelled it phonetically for obvious reasons.
It means 'Thank You'.
Anyhoo...at some point or another...he decided to teach me the Arabic word for women that like, love, worship and live for shoes and shoe shopping.It's: Shookhore.
Yes...as in "Shoe whore".
The sad thing is, I bought it for a good 5 minutes...until he told me it wasn't really an Arabic word.
Then I slugged him in the chest, in the middle of the mall before he had a chance to get away
Yeah. I love my RammerHammer schmuck.

And this is another reason why I love him:
















This is the goodness that is Xylocaine. Also known as Lidocaine.
In a pump spray bottle.
It's sold over the counter at Pharmacies here.
Aside from the chemo and numerous pills that have slowly rotted my teeth and various chips that keep chipping away, etc...I clench my teeth in my sleep. No grinding for me. Just good old fashion clenching.
Which is why I woke up the other night at 3am in excruciating pain.
I took a Tramadol.
It did nothing.
I held a cold water bottle to the side of my jaw for an hour.
It did nothing.
I took two vicodin's.
Still nothing.
I hate teeth/mouth pain. It's the kind of pain you just can't get too, if ya know what I mean.
The kind of pain that makes one want to take the whole bottle of pain killers because quite honestly, you don't care if you never wake up again...as long as the fíng pain STOPS!
And then... my loving, most wonderful, most awesomness, with the substantially HUGE cock, RammerHammer Schmuck...remembered the Xylocaine Pump Spray and bolted out of the house at 4am to acquire some for me.
This is the stuff the dentists in the states inject into your gums when working on your teeth.
I heart the pharmacies and the laws that decide what is OTC here and what is not.
And I really heart my RammerHammer Schmuck!

Hope everyone is well and pain free!:)

"If you have an apple and I have an apple and we exchange these apples then you and I will still each have one apple. But if you have an idea and I have an idea and we exchange these ideas, then each of us will have two ideas."
~ George Bernard Shaw

So here's an idea for ya...
Run...don't walk...to your nearest grocery store produce department and find that which I have discovered is the goodness of the Fuji Apple.










I do not know whether or not these apples are sold in the states, as the only time I was ever in the produce department was to buy mushrooms, potatoes and lettuce to have on steak-it nights or to buy veggies for the chickens.
If by chance they aren't sold in the states...than find somewhere on-line where you can order them and have them delivered.
I promise...you will not regret it.
These apples are amazing.
They're...they're...

Well...if they weren't already called Fuji Apples, I'd name them...Oh.Adrienne's.God.Apples.

It didn't give me an orgasm, mind you...but if I was single...it might have come damn close!

Hope everyone is well;)

"Fifty percent of the women in this country are not having orgasms. If that were true of the male population, it would be declared a national emergency."
~ Margo St. James

Yes...six.
Research shows that 13% of women are multi-orgasmic.
I must be in the top 2% of that 13%.
Last night, around 3am, after 2 untimely, loud text messages arrived, I was blessed with 14 orgasms.

I could have sworn that the subject of me being multi-orgasmic, had already been previously covered.
Perhaps it was on the old blog...I can't remember, but once I figure out how to transfer over the archives, if it's that important to anyone...have at it.

But, yes...I am.
Always have been.
Although admittedly, I've never been this multi-multi-orgasmic before in my life.
I attribute it to never...E.V.E.R. having been cared about and loved, the way TheRammerHammer cares about and loves me and visa-versa.
Oh...and the Schwanschtooker being foot long and wrist thick, probably has something to do with it as well.
TheRammerHammer is quite pleased...with me and himself, of course.
Apparently, he's not had any women with the "inner-plumbing", as he puts it, that I'm equipped with.
In other words...he's freakin' huge but he doesn't hurt me in any way, shape or form.

I can typically have anywhere from 10 to 30 orgasms per sex-capade...depending on whether it's a quickie or a mulligan.
Which is probably why I'm more like a man when it comes to sex, than most women.
I like it, I love it and I can't get enough of it.
Not to mention, it's on my mind 24/7.
Even TheRammerHammer can't sometimes believe how much more I think about it and vocalize it more than him!
Most of my meds have warnings about the side-effects negatively affecting one's sex drive.
I'm happy to report that that's one side-effect that hasn't affected me at all.
I think nothing short of sewing me up, would ever be able to stop my drive.
Granted...I've been in bad relationships, where 'our' (and I use the word 'our' very loosely) sex life diminished greatly...but it didn't stop my sex drive and Coco filled in willingly and quite nicely during those times.
Although at this particular time...my nether regions are currently saying, "Coco? Who to hell is Coco?"
Heh heh.

So, we're going for a personal record sometime this summer of 100 orgasms in a 24 hour period.
We tried once already.
Made it to 82 and then ran out of time.
It was that damn three hour afternoon nap that robbed us!
Which reminds me...I was supposed to blog and warn other multi-orgasmic people to skip orgasm #53.
This was when one of my orgasms pushed him outta me...which about 'broke him in half' if you get my drift and when I simultaneously got a cramp in my hip.
That was the first time in my life that I ever yelled out, "Sonovabitch- Bad, Bad Orgasm!" during an orgasm/sex.

So yeah...If I had to guess, I'd bet there are a few of you shaking your heads right now and probably even saying, "No freakin' way" out loud.
Yes...way.
And I'm sure some, if not all of the male species...immediately went to the 'she has fake orgasms and he's a sucker' mind-set.
At which point, the only thing I can say is, "Back in high school, TheRammerHammer is the one that gave me the nickname 'Pegglett'...One of the new nickname's he's given me is...Squirt."
Yikes...was that TMI???
Sorry.
Heh heh (again).

On a more serious note, if I ever became one of the women not in the 13% mentioned above...I'd slit my wrists in short order. Eeeeek...I don't even like to think about that, let alone actually see it in writing!

Hope everyone is well...and multi-orgasmic;)

P.S. ~ With all this sex talk...I can't help but wonder and yell..."WHERE TO HELL DID YOU GO BUNNY AND EARLY?!?!?!?" :(

"Between saying and doing, many a pair of shoes is worn out."
~ Iris Murdoch

Yesterday, TheRammerHammer came home from a two day trip.
Which is why I doubled up my meds...
We left the house at 5pm, in search of chicken wings for me.
Four hours later, I procured the chicken, a hair straightner, two handbags, a pair of shoes and six orgasms in the back seat of the car.

It was a very good day in Dubai.

Hope everyone is well:)